Bear Sighting after .308 Call
Was listening to WLW AM700 early this AM.. the hosts were talking about Bears. Bears who respond to gun shots - not running away, but they've learned, 'hear a gun shot, there's fresh meat waiting, just go get it!'
Whoa....! Wasn't expecting that! I thought a gun shot scared them away!? Wha...??? How did they learn the sound of a gun shot meant fresh food is being served? Maybe it's the same with garbage dumps, they smelled something edible, and checked it out. That would explain our Bee Hives being wrecked years ago.
Leaving Chatham around dusk, headed west on Hwy57 towards Martinsville, VA., visibility into the setting sun isn't the best. Even so as the work truck lumbered over the dual sets of rail road tracks, towards a wooded section ... something dark was moving towards the road ahead. Having exceeded my lifetime limit of Road Kill Deer, naturally, I slowed down... Out of the woods, like a line of ducks, Mama ... a small size cub, and another, and a third - 3 little guys, doing more playing than following momma Bear.
Friend of mine from our days of teaching Hunter Safety, was determined to 'get his first bear' in Wisconsin. Being an Army Ranger - but not a football player, automatically ruled out 'throwing spears', but not handguns... He'd carefully recorded bear activity on his 'trail cam' - yep, there they were, and bragged, 'here's proof, Bears do in fact, crap in the woods... but more discretely than to flaunt it on camera. There was bear 'scat' here and there, and the trail cam caught the bears walking back and forth one night, eating blackberries or something like them, in stunning & fuzzy black and white.
To increase the chances of getting a Bear, not much of a hunt, he managed to secure a pickup truck load of Hostess Twinkies... those little yellow things that defy aging & taste like Honey. Every couple of weeks, he'd add to this pile of Twinkies, at first unwrapping them, then giving up that idea, and just unboxing - until that got old, shoveling them boxed out of his truck. Upon hearing this, I was just about ready to 'autograph' his copy of 'The Fair Hunt' book, "Steve, you LIAR!!!" After a couple of months, the cardboard boxes and plastic wrappers had to have killed off any remaining grass & shrubbery in the area. He was ready to retrieve a nice well-fed bear with his Chrome Plated .357 Police Special.
Upon arriving at the site, about the time the trail came had been recording lots of bears feasting on lots of Twinkies... like hippies around a campfire, munchies from smoking too much weed. Then falling down, rolling around from the sugar coma - Steve saw nothing... not a bear, nothing. He wasn't alone, his hunting buddy was in for the hunt too, both wanting to fill their first bear tag, which was looking like a bust... until he heard a 'rustle' from above. There's one small bear, little larger than a cub, had climbed a sapling - staring at his feeding crew. Of course, not being a 'sniper ranger', proceeded to empty his hand gun, and the bear collapsed, nearly landing on him & friend. He had his bear! Not a big one, but a little bit of bear meat, is usually more than you'll ever want anyways!
Over the next week, we'd hear tales of this Army Ranger, carefully & quietly stalking an unsuspecting Grizzly, who was stalking some Damsel in distress, challenging the Bear.... Who, sensing his presence, suddenly turned to recognize the Army Ranger... narrowing his eyes as to say, 'You wanna a piece of this, pal..?' - The Ranger quickly pulled his sidearm at the last second - as the Bear lunged towards him, and downed the raging, growling, snapping, drooling beast, a single, expertly placed shot, only a real Army Ranger could - yes!... between the eyes. the bear collapsing inches from his toes. Not bending down, he lifted the Bear's head with his boot, 'Meh, is that all you got?' and strode over to the fainted woman, white with fear, to live happily ever after... Stories are just that - stories... we got the truth from his hunting buddy - still, it was kinda funny listening to the BS.
For the inaugural cookout, Steve invited the rest of the Hunter Safety Instructors over for Grilled Bear, promising a big thick, juicy, steak each - it would be a first for all of us ... literally a first, a memorable. We'd read, bears before hibernating, would over-eat and put on a good layer of fat to sort of 'live on' through the cold & windy Wisconsin nights & sub-zero days... without much thought of what that actually meant. As Steve pulled the 'bear steaks' from the garage fridge, commenting his wife strenuously objected to having 'anything he hunted in the house fridge - you hunt it & one or the other is staying in the garage, the animal - or you, the grill was hot.
Not the ash covered, glowing coals hit, but a radiant orange flame gently rising above the grate, little white sparklers occasionally warning - 'this might be too hot for Bear meat!' With a loud sizzle, each of the 4 steaks took their place on the grill, and a few snap, crackle pops, flames erupted between the steaks, to be quickly doused by a slug of Beer. The thing about buring bear fat, it's kinda like burning axle grease, dark smoke, and stinky. This 'flame on' - 'beer off' battle went on for 15 minutes, until he had determined, 'we've had enough' or the 'meat had to be done by now.' We'd sent enough black smoke-signals to our neighbors, to the Catholics - 'No Pope yet' or the Indians - a dire warning, 'Brave in training', stay away!
As we cut into our now reduced in size by at least half... I think we realized, half of what started on the grill, was indeed FAT, what remained was very well charred to a crisp, at least a quarter of an inch into it... which was hopeful thinking, only one of the four wasn't a hockey puck. Undaunted, we would each shared a bite from the one remaining bear steak which wasn't quite done, nor completely done. The microwave and a little 'spousal discussion about stinking up the whole house' later, ended with, 'get the brats or burgers out of the freezer'.
I've stomached a few interesting concoctions at the county fair... 'fried pickles' for instance, and suppose deep fried Twinkies is probably one of them ... but extra crunch & greasy Bear Meat that tastes like Twinkies? Every bit of it, required a napkin - as you bit, honey flavored, Twinkies grease would squirt out of the corners of your mouth - napkin ready to keep it from running down your shirt... and onto Steve's pristine garage floor. After choking down the equivalent of a 2" cube, his wife emerged with hamburgers - which brought sanity back into the conversation. We'd joked about the meat being soaked in engine oil - well, it sure burned like it was!
You know what it's like to bite into something with cold grease, and it just sort of coats your mouth, tongue, lips, and just won't go away? A few beers - nope, still there. Couple of ears of corn - dang! This is like something you'd use to waterproof your hiking boots! Alas ... even the hamburgers weren't able to clean it out. A paper towel ... actually got most of it, later that night, multi-tooth brushings, got the rest. Never did acquire a taste for Bear Meat, and kinda lost my taste for Twinkies, all in one evening.